Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Pregnancy Part I: The Beginning

Alrighty then...Well here goes...

As you read these next couple of posts about my pregnancy you will probably notice a bit of a bleak undertone. Before I even begin, I will be straight forward... I was not a fan of being pregnant. If you keep reading, you will see why. However I want to preface this all by saying no matter how I felt or how much I despised almost every minute of it.. I would do it a MILLION times over in order to have Myles in my life. So please do not take my pregnancy thoughts as a reflection on how I feel about my child or being a mother.

Getting pregnant:
        "I don't ever want to have children.. EVER"
        "Well I do, so why are we together.." This was how the baby conversation would typically go for the first 4 years of my relationship with Mark. I never understood how someone would NEVER want to have children... but then again I loved my parents and siblings and for the most part have had a great relationship with them. So family has always been a positive aspect of my life. As I got to know Mark, it was quite easy to see why he didn't want to have kids. No he is not an evil baby hating Nazi... his father, on the other hand.. questionable. Anyone that knows Mark has probably heard at least a story or two fifty about his childhood. No child should ever have to go through what he went through, so I can't blame him for how he felt about the situation.
        I don't know if it was maturity, my relentless asking  nagging, or just a simple change of heart, but towards the end of 2011 a miracle happened: Mark began softening up to the idea of having a baby. We discussed the possibility of starting to try the next summer. I was pretty excited...So naturally I began reading the specifics on when the best time was, ovulation, etc. Since I had been on birth control on and off for 10 years, I also read a lot about getting pregnant once birth control is stopped. Mostly everything I read said the same thing: it could take up to a year to get pregnant after stopping. So naturally, I read that as it will take up to a year....(insert hand to forehead slap!!!) So my thinking went something like this: "I certainly do not want to wait to stop taking it until the summer and then have to wait a whole other year to get pregnant. Hmmm.. I should just stop taking it now so that by the time the summer comes I will be able to get pregnant." I am sure you can all see where this is going.... Let's just say that I am a testament to the fact that you CAN in fact get pregnant the day you stop taking birth control. Apparently my eggs were ripe and ready to go!



Finding out:
     My period should have started Sunday December 11th. By the time Wednesday came with no period, I pretty much knew I was pregnant.. a womanly instinct I guess. I was starting winter break from work on Monday and had scheduled a doctor's appointment to get my last Gardasil shot. Remember before when I mentioned I was thrifty; well if you didn't believe me then, you surely will now! You cannot get a Gardasil shot if you are pregnant, so I knew that before they gave me the shot I would be tested. Even though I was dying to know I couldn't bring myself to buy a pregnancy test when I knew I would get one for free on Monday (and even if I did take the test, I would still go to the doctor to make sure). Wow.. putting that in writing makes me realize how CHEAP I really am! I'm not going to lie, I'm a little embarrassed. I think I may be the only woman in a first world country to not take an at home pregnancy test before going to the doctor.
    I guess the mere fact that I have this blog kind of makes for an anti-climactic ending, but any who.. I went to the appointment on Monday and I got tested. Before she came back I knew it was positive because she was taking a long time. When she finally came back, she had a manila envelope in her hands, looked at me and said "He is NOT the father"  LOL.... sorry had to throw in a Maury reference. Obviously what she really said was that I was pregnant. Calculating from the first day of my last period, I was four and a half weeks pregnant and was due August 22, 2012.
   My next step was to find a doctor and as a woman traumatized from seeing her mother give birth when I was 11 years old, it was pretty important for me to find a doctor that I was confident in and comfortable with getting me through what I thought would be the hardest experience of my life. I have had an amazing 'woman' doctor since about age 16, but she is a nurse practitioner so she doesn't deliver babies. I asked her to recommend a doctor for me. I trust and respect her so much that I knew whoever she recommend would be great. With all said and done now, I can say that I am sooo happy with her choice. Although a little cray cray (more on that later), he was a perfect fit for me.

Next up is Pregnancy Part II: The Symptoms... Until then enjoy some pre-baby pics!

Mark and I


The summer before getting pregnant...
My favorite building in downtown Chicago!


With a childhood best friend at her bachelorette party


Cruise with my Florida besties (best vacation ever)!

Monday, April 15, 2013

Welcome!

Hello Blog World! Well really.... hello to the few that will actually be reading my posts :) I have been wanting to start a blog for a while now, but never thought I'd have the time. Well now I am making myself have the time because I've gotten to the point in my short journey as a mother thus far that I need to do something that makes me think (mommy brain has gotten out of control). I decided to start a blog about my son for 2 reasons: have a place where all things Myles are recorded and captured (hopefully forever, pending some post-apocalypse world with no internet) and to share my thoughts/feelings about being a mother (because I can never get them out of my head without writing them down). 

The beginning of my blog will be a little different because I am getting a late start. I have a little lot of back tracking to do as Myles is 8 months old already! Because of this my perspective might be a bit skewed for the beginning months. However my goal is to be as honest and true to the time as possible. I truly see myself as an everyday mother; well everyday with maybe just a few... dozen or so quirks. As a quick introduction, I will let you in on a couple of randoms about me as a mother:
  • I am cheap thrifty: I have only bought 2 brand new clothing items for Myles totaling $20. Everything else has come from my baby shower, other gifts, and garage sales/thrift shops. I have only bought one brand new toy for Myles and that was with a gift card. I will never understand buying brand new things for a baby when you can find things barely used for a fraction of the price. I guess I have some sort of "impending doom" syndrome that makes me afraid to spend money for fear that one day I won't have any left. When he gets older and stops growing as quickly (and wearing clothes longer than 3 months), I will definitely start buying new.  
  • I am currently a SAHM. Because I am so thrifty, I was able to save enough money during the time I was pregnant to be able to take a year off of work (with the help of the BD and parents of course). I also have an awesome savings account started for Myles before he is even a year old!
  • During my pregnancy I became obsessed with pregnancy/mom blogs... I don't even think the word obsessed does it justice. I could literally spend hours reading about pregnancy journeys, monthly favorites, and newborn insights. A few of my favorites are My Blossoming Bud, Little Baby Garvin, and From Mrs. to Mama. And a special shout out to this momma for talking about important things most don't: Papier Mache
  • 75% of the time Myles is at home (and not sleeping) he is only in a diaper. I have a slight obsession with his little man body. It's so stinkin' cute. He is starting to grow way too fast so I try to cherish every moment of his littleness. 
    My little nakey babes!
    video
  • When I was younger I wanted to have 3 three kids: boy, girl, then boy. That was always my plan. Then when I was 11 my mother had another child. My step-dad came up with the brilliant idea to have myself and step-brother watch as my little brother was being born. Apparently he thought it would be a great method of birth control... Well played Dave.. well played I must say.... I was forever traumatized by that experience. I still kept my dream of having 3 children, but I felt like it would pretty much just stay that forever: a dream. However by my mid-20s, my biological clock had started ticking and I began longing for that indescribable love one shares with their little ones. Don't get me wrong, I was still terrified of the actual birthing process, but I figured that if God allowed me to become pregnant, he would give me the strength to get through the birth. Still, I no longer want three children; I am very happy and content with just ONE. I have no intentions on having any other children!!!!! 
    My little brother and I (1999; he was 3 and I was 14)
  • I have developed quite a co-dependency on my little guy. As a SAHM, how do you not??! He does not take a bottle, so I can only be away from him for a couple of hours at a time. I guess sometimes it is nice to get a little 'me' time, but I usually only need that once a week for a few hours. I haven't been away from him for more than 3 hours since he was born and that has only happened a couple times. I will have to admit that part of this is also due to me being somewhat of a control freak. I'm the one that knows what he likes and doesn't like; what he needs and doesn't need; how to sooth him, etc. Therefore it is really hard for me to let go and give that control to someone else for fear that he will be damaged in some way (the only people that have watched him without me around are my parents and his one aunt).
  • I am a firm believer in what I would call "family/community parenting." Obviously the mother and father should be the main caretakers of their child, but I really believe the old saying "it takes a village to raise a child." I want Myles to have several people in his life to guide, love, and brag on him; to feel safe and secure with; to look up to; and to be there for him. You always have to keep in mind your end goal for your child; what you want him to be like when he's grown and then get people who will mold him to be that person. I will have to say this is one of the things I am truly blessed with having. Myles has amazing family who absolutely adore him; it is a true blessing to watch his relationships with other people grow and know how much they will sow into him.
    Myles, dad, and cousins Ayson and Ryann at 7 months
    Myles with his grandma and grandpa at 6 weeks old
  • Parenting style; huh... well I didn't think too much about this one before Myles was born. I really just went with the flow based on his character and disposition. Babies are smart; they know what they need and how to get it ;) I have just followed my instincts and let him show me what he needs (more on this one with monthly updates).
Well Myles and I have some more work to do...