Boy Mom

A couple of months ago I guest posted over on Liz's blog Chasin' Mason for her Boy Moms series. I was so excited to be apart of her series because I love being a boy mom and find comfort and encouragement from connecting with other blogging boy moms.
So in case you missed it, I thought I would post it here as well:

"I'm 90% sure you are having a girl" said the ultrasound tech at my 20 week anatomy scan. I wasn't at all surprised. Over the last 16 weeks, I had worked myself up to be scared to death to have a girl. I am not at all into girly things and I really have no idea how to be a girl myself, so how in the world would I be able to raise a girl and give her the true girl experience? Because the universe works in funny ways and I was really terrified to have a girl, I was sure I was going to be blessed with a baby girl just to show me that I could raise a girl perfectly well and it would all work out. 

 We decided not to tell anyone yet since we weren't 100% sure. We were waiting to see what was going to happen at the follow up ultrasound at 24 weeks.The reason the ultrasound tech was only 90% certain was because she couldn't get a full, clear view of the genital area. I turned sides, walked around, and prayed my little heart out, but after 10+ minutes of trying, the tech moved on. She told us she didn't see any boy parts, and so was fairly certain it was a girl. I was so disappointed to not know for sure (after hyping myself up for months to find out). However luckily, she also wasn't able to get a good view of certain parts of the heart, so we had to make another appointment at 24 weeks. 

In the weeks following that first unsuccessful gender scan, I began wrapping my mind around what it would be like to have a little girl and tried to make a real effort to be positive for both myself and my boyfriend Mark. I also became obsessed with anatomy ultrasound pictures. I would study every one that would come up on my mommy forum app and I learned all the ways to tell boy or girl. I was determined to be prepared for my next ultrasound; I was not going to leave that office without knowing 100%! 

Being that this post is part of the Boy Moms series, I am sure you can guess what happened at our second scan, but since I am probably the most long-winded writer you will ever meet, I will finish the story. The first thing she asked was if we wanted to know the gender and with a resounding yes! she moved her little wand around and found the sweet spot. All my 'research' was completely worth it because within 2 seconds I knew what I was looking at. I didn't say anything though because I wanted Mark to hear it from the tech. Somehow the little person inside of me that I was hoping was a boy, but knew had to be a girl, was in fact, a BOY! I was elated, so overjoyed, and incredibly grateful to get the news that I wanted so badly to hear! I basked in that elation for a long time. Pregnancy was not my thing, but finally finding out that I was going to have a little boy helped me get through that last grueling 15 weeks. 

DIY gender reveal photos

As D-Day grew closer and closer, I began to conger up all sorts of crazy thoughts: namely... oh crap is this going to be one of those "be careful what you wish for" situations where my son is going to be a complete terror and eventual serial killer?!?! 

Well 2 years into his life and I am happy to report that he is not a serial killer (yet), but I can't say that I haven't used the word 'terror' to describe him once or twice ;) He embodies every sense of the 'BOY' label and I do very often have to remind myself "this is what I wished for", but I wouldn't have it any other way. As I am sitting here writing this, I am trying to imagine what life would be like if the ultrasound tech was right the first time. It's hard to speculate on something so arbitrary: maybe life would be drastically different, but maybe things would be quite the same. I find it hard to tell if I am making him be all boy, if it just comes naturally, or if it is some combination of the two. Whatever the reason having a boy is everything I ever imagined it to be and more. I love everything he loves and am really enjoying learning about all the 'boy' things I never really knew much about. Currently, that means sports, dinosaurs, and Ninja Turtles. His ninja moves are on point and he is really excelling in his baseball skills. 

 It is hard for me to put into words all that I love about having a boy, specifically my boy, so I will be brief and use (mostly) pictures:

1. His laughter!

2. His love for all things messy (Paints and Edible sensory play):

3. His fearless (Noodling):

4. His goofy and imaginative demeanor:

5. His need to always be involved:

6. His determination (which will probably be the death of me):

He has been a man on a mission since the day he was born. It all started with his Houdini skills in the swaddle:

Then, it turned into a need to explore everything (even if that meant tippy toes):

Then, it was his needed to do everything his daddy did: 

And now apparently it is his need to become a pilot:

He is a handful and a half, always on the go, but he also has a very endearing, lovey-dovey side. His new goodbye routine consists of saying 'kiss, hug, high five, and boom-boom (fist pump)', making you do them in order, and insisting on all four before you leave. He is a pretty fierce cuddler as well, although only when he is tired or hurt. And he gives the best tickles and raspberries in all the land.
 He is my everything and will always be my number one. Anyone that knows us can attest to the fact that he is 120% a momma's boy. Sometimes it can be overwhelming when I need a break, but really, to know that he thinks I am the coolest person in the entire world makes my life complete.  

Pregnancy IV: Gender and Baby Shower

On to Part IV... if you missed the previous, read them here, here and here. 

     From the very first moment I found out I was pregnant, I was hoping for a boy. I guess this was for a couple reasons. One being that growing up I spent a lot of time with my much younger sibling (11 1/2 year difference), who happened to be a boy. He was my sidekick and we were together ALL of the time. I watched him grow and learn, eat and play; we had a very strong bond. So raising a boy is what I know most about. Two, growing up and still for the most part now, I was never very 'girly.' And although not a total tomboy either, I certainly never cared too much about what girls are 'supposed' to care about. I only ever played with Barbies because I liked building their houses. My true love was Legos. I never actually played with them though, I would just build them and set them up on my Lego land table. I was never into dress up or princess type stuff; if I was allowed to dress myself I would just grab two random things out of my closet and run off to go play. I also loved getting dirty. I used to love riding my bike through the potholes in the ally after it rained. Anywho..... point being I am way more comfortable with boys and boy stuff. I was scared to have a girl because I don't know anything about how to raise one. Girl babies are supposed to be dressed up all cute with bows and ribbons and pink (blah!) and I am just not into those things. I felt like I wouldn't be giving her a true girl experience if I didn't make her all 'girly.' I really worried that I wouldn't be the mom I should be to a girl because I didn't know how. And I really wouldn't want to rob her of being a true girl just because I didn't like those things. Luckily, my mom knocked some sense into me with some great advice that it would all work out as long as LOVE always comes first. What a smart mom huh? Not sure what I would do without that woman. I knew that I would love my baby no matter what the gender, but if I had a choice I still wanted a boy.

    During the first few months of my pregnancy everything pointed towards us having a girl. I was pretty positive I was having a girl for several reasons:

1. Early on every dream I had about the baby it was a girl
2. Most of the old wives tales indicated girl:
1. Baby had a high heart rate 
2. Dad gained weight 
3. Craving more sweet things (RED MANGO!!!) 
4. Stealing my beauty.. duh blaming that one on the growing fetus inside me
5. Preferring to lay on right side
6. Mood swings.. also blaming this one on that fetus
7. Carrying baby weight all over mid-section 
3. Chinese gender predictor chart said girl; try here to see if it was right for you
4. Since I was scared to have a girl (as explained above), I figured that's what I would have so that I would be shown that I could raise a girl perfectly fine.

    My mom and step-dad had been encouraging us to not find out. It would probably be the biggest rush and most exciting thrill to be surprised by the gender at birth. Ideally, I would have loved to have waited, but in reality I knew that my OCD and anxiety wouldn't have allowed it. So we had planned to find out at our 20 week anatomy ultrasound. The ultrasound tech began by showing us all of the organs e.g., heart, brain, stomach, liver, lungs. I loved being able to actually SEE the little heart beating. She took pictures of everything she could and then asked if we wanted to know the gender. I hesitated because I knew that once I said yes, there was no going back... but then I jumped back into reality... duh... of course I wanted to know!! So she moved her wand to check it out and low and behold... the little stinker had its legs crossed!! No big deal... right... just move around a little bit... push on the stomach a little bit... I mean it can't keep its legs crossed forever.... can it? 

  Well I found out that the answer to that question is yes... well maybe not forever, but as long as my ultrasound took. However, the tech did say that she was pretty certain it was a girl because although the legs were crossed, she didn't see and boy parts sticking out. So at that point we were pretty convinced we were having a girl. We starting making a baby girl name list and encouraging each other that we would do just fine raising a girl; we realized that if God wanted us to have a girl, he would give us the love and wisdom to raise her the best possible way.

  Maybe I should have taken it as some sort of sign that we weren't able to find out the sex at the 20 weeks ultrasound; maybe that sign was that we should listen to my parents and not find out. Maybe.... but then the tech told me that she wasn't able to get all of the heart pictures she needed so we would have to get another ultrasound in a couple weeks. If that was to test my willpower against temptation.... I clearly FAILED, because at that second ultrasound at 24 weeks I again said yes when she asked if we wanted to know the gender... and this time I had no hesitation. The build-up of having the ultrasound, not knowing 100%, and then waiting another four weeks was just too much. Naturally, during that four week waiting period, I did a lot of gender ultrasound picture "research." I could have probably gotten my ultrasound tech certification for all the hours I logged. Point being, I knew exactly what the girl and boy parts looked like in an ultrasound picture. So when she put that wand on my belly and I looked over at the screen, I knew in an instant what I was looking at! I knew Mark didn't have a clue what he was looking at, but I didn't say anything; I wanted to see his reaction when she said "It's a boy!" I think we were both shocked, really shocked at first. We had a hard time actually believing it.
    Over the next couple of days as it began to set in, we grew more and more excited. So it was complete torture to have to wait to tell everyone until the weekend. I wanted to wait because I had had plans to take gender announcement pictures and didn't have time to take them until Saturday morning. So that morning Mark and I went out into our backyard for a little amateur photo shoot; just him and I and an iPhone. That night we told our parents, and then the rest of the internet world with these pictures: 

  I had my baby shower in June at about 32 weeks. I decided I wanted to have just one big shower for all family and friends: we invited people from my mom's side of the family, my dad's, my step-dad's, Mark's side, and our friends. I went with a green and brown jungle theme. I thought it would be really cute and I had originally wanted to do his room in that theme. Unfortunately, I really didn't get a lot of pictures from the shower, but here are a few. 





The sitting tables had brown table cloths with palm tree center pieces, confetti, and streamers. The food tables had green table cloths and brown 'dirt' (the paper grass used for baskets). My mom and aunts made all the food and my cousin made cupcakes. I don't have a picture but it looked super cute and all tasted delicious.













My mom made these party favors: trail mix inside of the blue bag tied with blue ribbon. I wish I would have taken a picture of the gift table. I was so blessed with all the gifts for Myles. He was so spoiled with lots of cute clothes, blankets, pacifiers, diapers, wipes, a tub, toys, and LOTS of books (per my request).











This was the front entrance table. I framed a few pictures: the first is Mark when he was little, the second is me when I was little, the third is a picture from the gender reveal, and the last one is two ultrasound pictures of Myles at 20 weeks. We also did a door prize where everyone that came put their birthday on a piece of paper (shown in the picture) and whoever had a birthday closest to Myles' due date won. Mark's grandma won for closet before in July and my friend Katie won for closest after on September 5th.







 








We also had everyone decorate a plain white onesie for Myles. My step-dad cut out cardboard to put in between the layers of fabric so they wouldn't stick together and then people used fabric paint to make a custom onesie just for baby boy. I made the sign that said "Please show baby Ham how much you care, make him a onesie he will love to wear" and credit for the baby drawing goes to Mark. I hung a couple in his nursery and kept the rest for keepsakes.

Here is me opening a present. It took a long time to open them all and at 32 weeks, I was definitely tired after all that. While opening presents we played present Bingo. I made Bingo cards for everyone that had different types of gifts that are typically given at a baby shower.  Every time I opened something on the card guests marked it off, then when someone got a Bingo, they won a prize. I liked it because it kept people entertained while I opened gifts. We also played a "Price Is Right" style game in which people had to guess the price of certain baby items like diapers, wipes, onesies, soap, etc. The last game we played went with the jungle theme. I made a list of animals and people had to match them with the female, male, and baby name of that certain animal, e.g. Deer would be matched with doe, buck, and fawn. Unfortunately, that one was not very fair because I had a guest that was in Vet tech school at the time (I did not know this though lol).

             A few shots of Mark and I                                   My mother and I

This is one of the invitations my very talented aunt made

All in all I had a great shower. So many people came out to celebrate and love on Myles. To know that he was so loved even before he was born brought (and still brings) so much joy to my heart. More than anything else in the world, I want Myles to know how much he is truly, honestly, and deeply loved. One day I will show him this and he will see that from the very day we knew of his existence he took over our hearts in such a way that we would never be the same. Even as I am sitting here writing this and he is sleeping in his crib 5 feet away from me, I can't imagine how I could possibly love him any more; and yet when we wake in the morning I somehow love him more! My father and I had a special bond over something he would always say to me and now I will pass it on to Myles:

"I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow."

My words to love by